Finding "It" at 39 ? !

So tomorrow I turn 39, and I'm actually excited about it! I have decided that I am going to "FIND IT" at 39. This past year has been a great mix of crazy yet fun chaos but there has been something missing. "It" is missing. What is "it"? For each of us it's different. It is the thing that makes us complete, makes us, us. I don't feel complete. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and children. But I just haven't found the "it" that makes me, ME.

What got me thinking about this was the book, Finding It by Valerie Bertinelli. She mentioned that when she was on Touched By An Angel she wore so many layers of clothing to hide her weight. She said that the one thing she couldn't conceal was the unhappiness in her eyes. That when she sees reruns of the show, she still sees the pain. I have been feeling that way this past year as I've seen pictures of myself where I look like there is something missing. I'm the one taking pictures of others who are having fun. I'm NOT the one having fun. I haven't learned to just let go. My life has always been about doing for others to make them look good or be happy despite my happiness, keeping my mouth shut even though I should say something, being the "good" girl, being so scared to fail I never try, never just throwing caution to the wind.

I want the old me back. The girl who sent a card just to say hello, who looked for the positive and not expected the negative, the one who was strong physically. I want to wear a real bikini - not just the top, get on the dance floor & dance even though I don't have a rhythmic bone in my body, get my teaching degree, maybe get a tattoo, finally take the honeymoon hubby & I never took, stand my ground, focus on being true to myself even with family or friends, make a bucket list and start ticking it off, try new foods and new adventures, play more, take the time to have a cup of coffee on the porch or glass of wine on the deck, organize my home, renew my faith (never lost it just got lax) and laugh, laugh - laugh!

So this year of being 39 is going to be a motivational tool. I have one year to get my ass in shape and my shit (somewhat) together before I hit the big 4-0, which falls on a FRIDAY - YEAH!! I don't have a lot of work to do to get there, but it will be work. I know what I need to do, I just needed the motivation to do it. And that's reaching 40 in the best shape of my life, mentally and physically. Here's a couple pictures that came up when I typed in 39. Kind of ironic that they correlate with my thoughts...

Pier 39 with the sea lions. I was actually there 2 yrs ago and saw the sea of sea lions. It smells horrible, but is an awesome site. Lately, I've feeling like a lazy, frumpy, blubbery sea lion. I got into good enough shape last 4th of July that I wore a bikini top. After the 4th, I stopped maintaining and gained the weight back. When I started to workout again, I fell snowboarding and broke my tailbone. That really began the pouting! So here's to getting off the dock and having some fun.

The 39 Clues is a book series that my son's LOVE! It's series of adventure books, combining reading, online gaming, and card collecting. I have had 39 years worth of clues to help me solve the mystery of what I want to be when I 'grow up'. Now it's time to put all the clues together and find ME.

I've been on the highway of life for 39 years and although I truly am blessed, there is so much more I want to experience along the road. Here's to continuing down the road with fewer potholes.

I love the thought of being 39. Would I love to go back to the face and body I had as an 18 or 20 year old? Yes, in a heartbeat. But I wouldn't want to change the knowledge I've gained for anything.

So here's to finding it at 39!

Like Sand Through An Hour Glass...

Time flew by again without me keeping up on my blog. Summer vacation sure messed up my schedule. Now that the kids are back in school, I hope to find my routine again. Who am I kidding, I hope to find ME again! So here's to busses, hot lunches and homework. Happy School Days - happy me days!

Stumbled Away For A While

I stumbled away for awhile and I'm sorry. I've felt like I was on one of those merry-go-rounds at the park. Ya know that kind that you can't wait to spin it in circles, the faster the better. Then you jump on and all you can do is hold on for dear life trying not to fall off (or throw up). Between personal and professional merry-go-rounds, I'm ready for a nice gallop on a springed pony!

While I wait for the ground to stop spinning, I've updated my blog with a new look and am off to mow the lawn while jamming to my favorite 80's songs on my MP3. It's so good to be back!

Yes! It's Friday!

to you all! Can you believe it's the weekend, finally? Who's ready to kick off their shoes and relax? We have a weekend full of soccer which is fantastic. Love watching the kids play. Not biased or anything, but they are good! ;) Can't wait for tonight though. I planned a bonfire and kickball game 3 mi. run at the park for Brad and me, while the kids rode their bikes. Should I mention S'mores Taco Bell, Moscoto Tequilla and shaved legs (which went to waste b/c the electrician short circuited fell asleep before the power was even tested!) Happy Friday Saturday, Happy Weekend!

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What Would You Do?
Okay blog buddies, I have a question for you. Brad and I have a family member that knew of my uncle's passing, but has yet to mention any kind of condolence to me. Sidenote: yes the person was told & yes the person is close enough that something should've been said.

We're pretty sure this person didn't pass along the news to other family members b/c Brad has yet to hear anything from them either. Another sidenote: one family member was told by us and did send along a very nice email! We love ya's! Both Brad and I are having a hard time with this b/c it's the second time this has happened. So on one hand, we aren't surprised.

And no, we didn't want gifts or anything like that. Just a simple email or text to say "Sorry to hear..." would've been enough. Yet there wasn't even that! Although we did get countless junk emails from this person over the past two weeks - so it's not a broken computer.

My question to you is, would you say anything or just let it go? If you would say something, what would you say and how would you do so? I don't want to offend the person, nor do I want to come off as a _itch, yet we are hurt that nothing was said. Who should say something? If it's my family - me? If it's Brad's family - him? Or doesn't it matter as long as one of us says something?

Can ya send a bit of advice? Thanks!!

Take Your Child To Work Day

My oldest got to go to work today with his dad. Brad's an electrician for the University of Michigan. Yes, he knows how to "turn things on" and "make sparks fly"! Here's a picture of our kiddo standing in an old bank vault.

What The _____?

Do you ever those times you find yourself scratching your head saying, What the___? You fill in the blank! There are several words I've used to end that sentence - all depending on what made me ask that question in the first place. So today I'm going to share some of my WT__ moments over this past week. The picture is of (l-r) Brad (my hubby - he thinks the glasses will hide the fear in his eyes!), me scratching my head, and Sarah (my sister's friend)

*I wasn't going to post about this because it's just nasty. But the more I thought about it, it really is amusing in hind sight. Last week as you know we buried my uncle. Well, at the viewing on Tuesday one of my daughter's came up to me and said she had something behind her ear. I looked and oh, WT__ is that? Oh $**!, it's a TICK! Talk about wanting to hide, barf, climb the wall but hello ding dong, you're the mom and you're surrounded by people at the viewing - be calm! I called Brad over and nonchalantly tried to have him look. "It's not a tick. It's just a blood blister." Seriously dear, a blood blister? Calm went out the window at that point. "Um, no! It's frickin tick! There's legs that are moving!" I know, gross, sorry. So we go into another room and I get on the phone to a friend who's a nurse. My sis gets on her phone and pulls up "How To Remove A Tick". We tried touching it with a heated tweezer end, nope. Tried freezing it's nasty @$$ with an ice cube, nope. Thankfully there was an urgent care at the end of the street, so Brad took our little bug girl for a visit. Good news, tick removed quickly & no sign of infection and it's not a deer tick. Not sure the kind (nor do I care), but apparently it's rare b/c 15 staffers came in to look at it. Leave it to The Smith's to add excitement to a viewing and then be a freak show at the Urgent Care. WT__?

*Funeral day comes and we arrive at the funeral home to be greeted by my uncle's "daughter". Long story short: uncle sterile - wife had 2 kids - U guessed it, not uncle's (DNA proved it) - divorce and only maybe 5 visits with my uncle for their entire life. "Daughter" beat all the family there that morning, told staff when asked she was his daughter and was waving her birth certificate all around while crying, sobbing, talking loudly and acting like she was on something. She said she flew in from Missouri yet her car was the first in the processional line b/c she arrived first and after all, is the daughter. WTHeck? If she had been smoking something, she could've shared at that point! The sad thing is, her daughter and husband were there too. The hubby was in his military uniform and kept quiet, and I felt so bad for him. All in all, the family did a good job keeping our mouths shut and not strangling this "stranger". Pastor also was a great help by removing her from the room. All during the funeral it was sob, snot, whah! Oh brother. Wait, or should I say cousin? Anyways, long lost daughter can't stay for the cemetary and leaves. But as we pull into the lot, guess who's pulling out? WT__?

*Now fast fwd. to Monday. My aunt decided to start the procedures of notifying the insurance co. and such. To her surprise, they had already been contacted. What? By Who? U guessed it, WackO had already called last Tuesday the day of the viewing! Another shocker, she might be the beneficiary to everything. WT__? It looks like my uncle had the kids as beneficiaries when he thought they were his and may not have gotten off his royal behind to change it. Oh crap this is going to be a bitter, nasty battle. Again I say, WTHeck?

*How about a good WT__? We went with my sister, her friend & her friends daughter to Kings Island in Ohio this past Sunday. I kind of conquered my fear of rollercoasters. I'm still terrified of them, but will ride again. I went on The Beast, The Racers, Vortex, FireHawk, all the Planet Snoopy kid rides, Monster, Scrambler, Shake/Rattle & Roll, Boo Blasters on Boo Hill and Drop Tower. This one was a WT__ moment! They strap you in, spin you up the 315 ft tower, then plumet back down at 67 mph. How fun, exciting, scarey, envigorating and memorable! But you guessed it, that was a WT____ am I doing time. Totally thought we were going to die and orphan our children. Kept praying for God to not make it hurt when I smashed to the ground! And our 10yr son. Oh he was not a happy camper. Think he had a WT__ moment too!